Be Here Now

(originally posted Saturday, April 14, 2007)

One of the simplest, and hardest lessons to learn is this: Be Here Now.
Back in the early 70s,when I was in my late teens a friend, concerned that my head was always everywhere but where I was, gave me a book entitled, Be Here Now, by Ram Dass. The author had once been called Richard Alpert, a Harvard psychologist who worked himself into a state of great distress worrying about what would happen, what would come next, what he was going to do. Like many of his generation, he travelled to India, seeking a spiritual awakening. His gurus taught him that before he could achieve peace, he had to learn to be here now.
I internalized that message, and repeated it to myself more and more over the years. When I found myself worrying about what was going to happen, I’d remind myself, “Be Here Now.” When I’d find myself longing for people I’d once known, or something I’d once had, or something I wished to have, but didn’t have yet, I’d remind myself, “Be Here Now.”
That message is all about reality, and accepting reality, and living in the here and now. It is also about letting go of attachment to maya, illusion, things that aren’t here and now, no matter how much we may wish they were. Wrapped up in what isn’t, we forget about what is. We miss our lives, because we aren’t living them, but focusing on maybes and might-have-beens. We are like the child who is so focused on asking, “Are we there yet?” that they miss the fun of getting there.
We all do this much of the time. Stuck in traffic, we fret about being late. We rage against the stupid traffic. We curse ourselves for not taking a different road. And all this passion and effort accomplishes...what? We are still stuck in traffic. Instead of enjoying the comfort of our seat, or the music on the stereo, or the fact that we are alive, healthy, living a better life than most of humanity lives, or ever has lived, we focus instead on what isn’t (the traffic...moving).
I now pass this lesson onto clients, and am constantly reminding them, be here now. I’ll discuss a possible step toward change with a client, and they’ll ask, “But what if...?”, and I answer them, be here now.
I’ll discuss something to try with a someone I’m counselling, and they’ll fret, “But if I do as you suggest, I am worried that this or that could happen,”and I say, then you will have to decide what to do then, but it hasn’t happened yet, and may not happen. Be here now.
Or I’ll be seeing with a couple, and they’ll be working on a way to improve their relationship, and one will say, “That sounds good, but then, I wonder if maybe that will cause another problem.” I’ll tell them that they must not leap ahead to the outcome without giving themselves a chance to see if they can make things better. Be here now.
Their attachment is to their fear: “What if I fail, again?”
I am urging them to let go of their fear. To be here now.
A very similar philosophy has been popularized over the past decade or so, by Jon Kabat Zinn, under the term, “Mindfulness.” It teaches about letting go of attachment, and staying present, being rather than doing, valuing what we have, rather than longing for what we don’t have. I’ve taken mindfulness training. It is a valuable and useful model, and I pass along its practices to my clients. But, without wishing to detract anything from it, for me three words encapsulate its core message. Be here now.
The young woman who gave me that book, some 35 years ago, wasn’t a girlfriend. She was a friend. There was no occasion for the gift, no birthday or whatever. Only her caring. Her gift has helped me immeasurably, enriching my life with all of the wonders and joys and challenges and sorrows of each passing moment. And the sense of peace that living in the here and now brings has helped me to be there for my clients, helped me help them, and has given me a valuable teaching to pass along to them. The ripples of a single deed of ours spread far beyond our ability to imagine.
Thank you for the book, my friend. But thank you even more for caring.
And thank YOU, each of you who has taken the time to read this entry. And please accept from me this heartfelt gift:
Be Here Now.