Client Beware!

(originally posted Friday, January 4, 2008)

I saw a client recently whose therapist told her she was wrong to want to leave her marriage and would be sorry if she did. On another occasion, I spoke to someone whose therapist "guaranteed" that if the client began a new relationship with another person, that relationship would end in failure. A while back I saw a fellow whose therapist told him that he was to give up his fetish; he was to put it away, never indulge in it again, never think about it again. He was told to re-orient himself toward "normal" sexual relations with a woman. For the record, his fetish, while not shared by his partner, was harmless.
These are just the latest examples I have encountered of what I feel is a misuse of the position of therapist. There have been others.
A therapist is not there to make decisions for the client. A therapist is there to help the client sort through the various factors and issues clearly, so that they can make their own decisions. They are, after all, adults. And it is they, NOT the therapist, who will have to live with the consequences of their decisions.
To my mind, what these so-called therapists are doing is unethical. It amounts to no more than using their counselling room as a bully-pulpit. Anyone coming to a therapist, opening up about matters that they would ordinarily not discuss with a stranger, invests the counsellor with a great deal of power, and a great deal of trust. Using that position to impose your own values, your own preferences upon a client is a misuse of that power, and an abuse of that trust.
If you, or anyone you know, is seeing a counsellor, therapist, psychologist, etc., and that therapist TELLS the client what decision to make, or pressures them to make a certain decision, I would advise them to LEAVE that therapist immediately, contact the therapist's professional association immediately to file a complaint, report them to the regulatory body that oversees therapists in your jurisdiction, and find yourself a therapist who takes their ethical obligations seriously.
It is an unfortunate fact that, as in every other profession there are good therapists, and not-so-good therapists. If your views, your ability to make decisions, your right to be in charge of your own life are invalidated, ignored, dismissed or over-ridden, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
EXPECT RESPECT!